I am uneasy

Today I prowl, and I yowl. I send my questions to the universe echoing down the staircase. I ask, Why does Uncle Bryan leave us every morning, not returning sometimes until quite late? Why did Aunt Mary leave us and then return a few days later and then seem sad and tired? Why did the Food-Giver pack his guitar and leave us? Why did Buckley try to squish me like a bug in the corner behind the door? Why was I born smaller than my brother, despite my superior intellect?

Why?

Why?

Why? I ask the universe.

I shall seek my answers in the radiator. Buckley told me the wise lady in the radiator knows many things. I shall consult her, but I remain uneasy.

okay

Okay. So it has been a long time since Milo or I came to post on this blog. Do you know why? Because we have been VERY BUSY doing MANY IMPORTANT THINGS that are MORE IMPORTANT than putting posts on this blog. Also tell me this. Tell me why is it a post? You say it is a post. I don't think so. I cannot put my claws in it and tear with great ferocity. To the best of my knowledge a post is a thing for putting claws in and tearing RRRRRWWWRRRR very fierce, to indicate FERALNESS and also RRRROROOOWRORRWOWWWWRRRR type feelings.

Well, so here is something to say: I am missing a friend. My friend did not have a name but he was a 'go-fer' according to Uncle Bryan. Go-fur? I don't know. Whatever. I liked my gofur friend very much, especially in the sense of attacking with all paws and RRRRWRWOWOORRRRR and so on, but my friend seems to have disappeared somwhere. I do not know where. This is like the time there was a MOUSE VISITOR visiting under the bed upstairs and I thought I would amuse myself with the mouse visitor in the sense of BATBATBAT also TAPTAPTAPTAP with paws but NOOOO Uncle Bryan said NOOOO BUCKLEY and I was batbatbatted away and I do not know where the mouse visitor went exactly either but Uncle Bryan had a box and he went outside and then no more mouse visitors AT ALL. But I had the gofur friend. Milo wanted the gofur friend, didn't you Milo? You pathetic little runt. I HAD THE GOFUR FRIEND and then what? Where did he go? Under the table? No. Under the bed? No. Not upstairs. Not downstairs.

Uncle Bryan says, hey Buckley where is your gofur friend? And I say DAMMIT UNCLE BRYAN I HAVE NO IDEA, WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING USEFUL LIKE FIND MY GOFUR FRIEND IF YOU ARE SO SMART AND HUMAN? But he doesn't, no one does.

Milo, if you took my gofur friend and hid him for your own batbatbatting purposes... I swear, I will chew your ears so hard you will cry. I MEAN IT MILO.

grateful

The small man with dark hair was here again last night. I do not know why he no longer stays here. It has been a long time. So you can imagine my surprise when, last night, instead of leaving he came upstairs and lay on the floor.

I was grateful for this. When people sleep on the floor, it is much easier for me to climb on their heads and put my bottom on their faces. I did this to the small man with dark hair last night. I know he liked it. I know. I can tell.

victory is sweet

There is a green chair upstairs.
There was a long discussion.
There was a battle, a drawn-out daylong battle with physical and psychological components. And staring.
Buckley no longer owns the green chair upstairs.

SO THERE.

upside-down

The other day, my brother Buckley was chewing on some tape that he had specifically been told not to chew. I lay in the corner and watched as he chewed and chewed on the tape, which was attached to the side of a box. Chew chew. Rustle. My brother Buckley was so engrossed in his tape-chewing that he ignored the fact that Uncle Bryan was right there watching him. Watching him chew the tape he was not supposed to chew. Chew chew chew.

Uncle Bryan got very angry. "BUCKLEY NO! NO! BUCKLEY! BAD CAT! I TOLD YOU NOT TO CHEW THE TAPE!" Ha ha. Buckley looked very startled when Uncle Bryan grabbed him and held him in the air, high over the tape and the box. I was watching this, from my corner, silently. I watched as Uncle Bryan held Buckley upside down over the box as punishment. My brother Buckley is not necessarily keen enough to realize that being held upside down is a punishment; he got this dopey look on his face like a new game was being played, and part of the new game was Hang Upside Down Over a Box for a Minute.

Finally Uncle Bryan put Buckley back down. Buckley came over to me in my corner and we both licked our paws for a little while, and I decided to take the high road and not say anything disparaging to my brother, but then an hour later do you know what he did? He chewed the tape again. Chew chew chew rustle rustle. The tape he was told not to chew.

I have pretty much lost all respect for you, Buckley.

#1

A thing I like the most is when the tub is wet with water. I do not know why, but that is the #1 best tasting water I have ever tasted. It is so exciting when the people go in the tub, because I know that they will leave plenty of water behind for me.

It is #1 the best and most awesome.

howl

Ah the howl. It comes from inside me. I howl aloud, I howl silently. What is the difference? I howl. Now, today, last night, I howled, alone, because the Place is gone. The place where I Hide. It is open now. Exposed. I cannot be exposed. I am left with no place to go, except this floral-patterned couch, where I howl.

And now, from the floor, again, I howl. Do you hear? Do you hear me howling?

DAMMIT BUCKLEY, STOP CHEWING ON MY EARS. I MEAN IT.

THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT

When I said I wanted attention I did not mean that I wanted you to put the silver flash-box in front of my face. NO. FLASH FLASH FLASH. Look! I will put my face on your flash-box. Ha ha ha. Hello flash-box. I will run straight into the flash-box with my forehead. That is funny, because you yell. I will put my paws on the flash-box. You are looking at me through the flash-box, which means there is an object between me and your affection, and I AM THE OBJECT OF AFFECTION. COME HERE. NO FLASH-BOX. I will put my mouth and my whiskers on your flash-box and I will chew on the string hanging from the flash-box. HA HA HA THAT WORKED. Look at me. I am rolling! ROLLING! Do not flash-box while I am rolling. YOU TOUCH ME WHILE I AM ROLLING. THIS IS HOW IT WORKS.

MILO, I SEE YOU BEHIND THAT BOX, I AM GOING TO CHEW ON YOUR EARS.

NO FLASH-BOX. RUB MY BELLY. LOOK AT ME.

THAT'S RIGHT.